I chose a different approach to it. I chose to be pro-gay marriage. Once I heard everyone else's arguments, I'm not so sure I'm for it just yet anymore (thats a whole other story which I will NOT get into here). That's not to say I don't approve of gay relationships, its just that it would entail a snowball effect to get polygamists, and other unusual forms of relationships legalized...
However, my approach was that of my upbringing both at home and at my religious Hebrew school were contradicting themselves. On one hand, I'm being told that its a sin to be gay, but on the other hand I'm being taught that we must treat others as we would like to be treated. In fact, that was the most important rule I learned in all my years at Hebrew School. I remember my Rabbi saying that if I could only learn one thing from the Torah, it should be that lesson.
Anyway.... when panelists began raising the questions to each other (us), I got asked a question that caught me so off guard that I had to come to my blog for it. How do I define "Love"? It's tough because we all think we know, but try to answer it and you'll see you have NO idea.
This makes me think a lot about all the things I've dealt with since my senior of high school. I look back now and realize how silly it was to consider Daniel Roytman (my "boyfriend" of 1 month when I was 16) to be my first love. I was 16 and his promise bracelet that he gave me had the word "blowjob" spelled out in beads... hows that for love? I got into my first real serious relationship a few years after that in which for the first time I felt what it was to be loved. To be truly loved. I didn't get understand it and it scared me. To have someone need to hear my voice first thing in the morning and last thing at night was beyond me. I always said to him "why can't you just fall asleep? why can't you just let me fall asleep if I want without having to call you?" To have someone who lived 7 hours away drive 14 hours in total to see me for 2... To send me a dozen pink roses (my favorite) once a month and on special occasions that called for it (my first day at a new job) with cards saying "if you dont dazzle them, at least you still dazzle me". It sounds corny. I know. I hated it with a passion... To find out that 3 years after it all ended, your picture still sits on his desk...
Then you come to the serious relationship in which you finally feel what its like to love someone yourself. Prior to that moment for me, loving someone was just being able to actually say "I love you" to them, but not having to mean it. When you get to the point in which you do, it something unexplainable... something undefinable. As much as the relationship in which I understood what it was and what it felt like ended in a not so friendly way to say the least, I still appreciate and carry with me what it made me feel like at the time, and thats what I have left to base my definition on.
When you're truly in love (** keep in mind that these are all my own opinions based on my own experiences), nothing else matters. Literally. The only things that truly matter are those moments when you are with the person you love, every other moment without them is just a filler. Something that takes up space until the next moment you are with that person. Love is the inability to hold back a smile no matter how much you want to when you see that person, and the harder you try to hold the smile back, the bigger you smile. Love is when every imperfection is perfection. A nasty gross scar on the person's forearm is just another part of that person that makes them who they are. Love is recognizing by smell and touch who that person is (im not talking colognes here). I remember distinctly saying "my favorite thing about you is the way you smell". I know it sounds weird, but its true. At its highest point, love makes you want to scream of frustration because there just isnt a way to express just exactly how much you feel for that person. Love is willing to piss off your entire family to just "see what happens". And most importantly, love is when you want to hate them so bad with every fiber in your body, and you know that just one look will tear you all down again.
As for now, I'm not in love. Yes I was, but its over and for a reason. I don't dwell on the negative reasons anymore, but my reason now is that it ended in order to teach me what lies ahead, only bigger and better.
Love is the Bob Dylan and David Bowie of Feelings. I say this because just like Dylan and Bowie, there are so many faces, so many characters, and so many reasons behind that one word. How do we define it? We can't. We experience it. Many times. And each time, the definition changes.
I'm going to post the lyrics to two of the greatest love songs of all time, in my opinion. Two very different aspects of it, but two very true aspects of it. The first is by my hero, Bruce Springsteen "Secret Garden" off the Jerry McGuire Soundtrack, and the second is Rod Stewart's "Maggie May" which is genius in the portrayal of love.
Love cannot be defined. Songwrites, poets, artists, etc. have been attempting to do so for hundreds of years. There is no one definition. That is the glory of emotion. I know that by the time I post this, since I had to restart my entire blog from scratch, I don't know how many readers I have at this point again (both subscribed and unsubscribed), but feel free to leave comments.
And before I post the lyrics, I just want to conclude that because love is so broadly "defined" then how do we define marriage from a non legal standpoint? I would say that marriage is the ultimate goal/institution to display your love someone else... so would that mean to say then that if two men love each other, they can be married???????? hmmm.... got you thinking....
"Secret Garden"
Bruce Springsteen
She'll let you in her house If you come knockin late at night She'll let you in her mouth If the words you say are right If you pay the price She'll let you deep inside But theres a secret garden she hides She'll let you in her car To go drivin round She'll let you into the parts of herself Thatll bring you down She'll let you in her heart If you got a hammer and a vise But into her secret garden, dont think twice Youve gone a million miles How fard you get To that place where you cant remember And you cant forget She'll lead you down a path Therell be tenderness in the air She'll let you come just far enough So you know shes really there She'll look at you and smile And her eyes will say Shes got a secret garden Where everything you want Where everything you need Will always stay A million miles away
"Maggie May"
Rod Stewart
Wake up maggie I think I got something to say to you Its late september and I really should be back at school I know I keep you amused but I feel Im being used Oh maggie I couldnt have tried any more You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone You stole my heart and thats what really hurt The morning sun when its in your face really shows your age But that dont worry me none in my eyes youre everything I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didnt need to coax Oh, maggie I couldnt have tried any more You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone You stole my soul and thats a pain I can do without All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand But you turned into a lover and Mother what a lover, you wore me out All you did was wreck my bed And in the morning kick me in the head Oh maggie I couldnt have tried anymore You lured me away from home cause you didnt want to be alone You stole my heart I couldnt leave you if I tried I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school Or steal my daddys cue and make a living out of playing pool Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin hand Oh maggie I wish Id never seen your face You made a first-class fool out of me But Im as blind as a fool can be You stole my heart but I love you anyway Maggie I wish Id never seen your face Ill get on back home one of these days
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